Administered Medication
by Iloveplotbunnies
Summary: "Consultant Annoying sounds like Animal Hunting, just without the permits and the gun." Team. Spoilers for 4x23/4x24.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Administered Medication

**Disclaimer:** Last time I checked, I don't own anything. I just play with the characters.

**Rating: **T

**Summary: **"Consultant Annoying sounds like Animal Hunting, just without the permits and the gun." Team.

**Spoilers: **_all _of season four—premiere to season finale.

I've had this fic idea in my head for so long now, I just had to write it. I seriously missed writing humor and well, you can't go wrong with a (hopefully) good humor fic!

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**1-**

"Jane's an idiot." Wayne Rigsby said to his fellow co-workers and friends, Kimball Cho and Grace Van Pelt, as they all remained seated at the conference table within the Serious Crimes bullpen. Compared to the gaggle of people, who had lingered within the bullpen earlier—FBI Agent Susan Darcy, Special Agent Teresa Lisbon, Idiot Consultant Patrick Jane and Red John's supposed minion/cocktail waitress, Lorelei Martins—things had certainly settled down, enough to where a conversation among friends could actually happen. Cho said nothing in response, but glanced at him instead, as if to ask why exactly _that _was news? It wasn't news, per se, that Jane had royally screwed himself over with almost everyone within the California Bureau of Investigation, which was why Rigsby had thought that particular statement needed to be said.

Grace, who sat across from him, blinked. "Do you think the boss will convince Agent Darcy to expunge the charges?" Cho shrugged from next to her. Clearly, none of them had been too thrilled to have been treated like delinquents—all handcuffed together—on a curb in some creepy neighborhood.

"It depends."

"On…?" Grace asked and Rigsby glanced at her, as she waited for an answer from Cho with a frown on her face. Grace had always been the career oriented one—even within their failed relationship two years ago, so her possible fear of having a mark on her (nearly) perfect record, due to Jane didn't surprise him at all. Jane's continuing lapse in stupidity—if they could even _call _it a continuing lapse in stupidity, because the man continued to prove he was stupid all of the time—had negative effects for them all—even Lisbon, who continued to stand by the insanity that was Jane—and while some of them could take the status quo over and over again, he no longer could.

Without a word to either Grace or Cho, he forced himself up from the uncomfortable metal chair and hurried to his desk. Off the top of his cluttered desk, he collected one of his unused notepads and a black ink pen, before he returned to the conference table to grin down at both of his co-workers.

Cho ignored his grin to reply back to Grace, "on whether or not Darcy will take having been lied to again." Grace's frown deepened.

"And," Rigsby continued, "on whether or not Jane will actually apologize for those actions." Both Cho and Grace glanced up, before Grace let out a bark of laughter. "What? I'm being serious." He sat the notepad and pen down on the table, so he could cross his arms against his chest without stabbing himself with the pen.

"Jane?" Grace finally asked, after she had gotten over her fit of laughter. "Apologize? You must be thinking of some _other _Patrick Jane, who we haven't yet met or worked with."

"Yeah." Cho agreed. "He must actually mean it too." Rigsby moved to uncross his arms and rub at the back of his neck, as Grace began to laugh again. Sure, Jane had a tendency to hand out apologies like they were candy, and yeah, it was extremely rare to hear an actual _I'm sorry_ and know it was said with real sincerity from the consultant too, but Rigsby knew it was possible to get.

"I've been working with him for four years and I have almost died several times, because of him," Grace continued on, "and I've never once heard an "I'm sorry, Van Pelt. I didn't mean to almost get you killed" come from his mouth." Rigsby tried to hide his laugh; he knew she had a point. Jane had only ever said sorry to Lisbon (and a few times to them, but Rigsby could have never taken him seriously), and he knew they all deserved to hear it a million times (or more) over.

"Not to mention all of the times he's conned us out of our money." Rigsby added; he was absolutely positive that over the past four years, Jane had probably conned him out of at least two-hundred dollars from ill-placed bets.

"You lost money." Cho corrected. "We're smart enough not to bet against Jane." Grace nodded in agreement and Rigsby slid back down in his chair. He grabbed at his notepad, before he glanced back at Grace.

"What if someone could make him apologize?" Rigsby asked and Cho shifted in his seat.

"Was the person drunk?" Cho asked. Rigsby blinked in surprise at Cho's question. What did being or getting drunk have to do with getting actual apologies from anybody—especially Jane? "Are they female or pregnant?"

"What?" Rigsby questioned, still rather confused.

"Did he convince someone that their loved one had died, when in reality, their loved one is still living?" Cho continued his line of questioning.

Rigsby shrugged. "It depends on what you consider my death yesterday to be." Nobody said a word. Jane's so-called _harmless _and _fail-proof _plan to catch Red John had gotten them all into trouble (once again) and the only one who wouldn't suffer the consequences was Jane, the golden boy consultant.

_The only golden thing about him_, Rigsby thought with a frown, _is his hair and I wonder if that's even real. _

"Fake." Cho answered. "You're still breathing."

"Unless he's a zombie." Grace imputed and Rigsby eyed her. For a moment, nobody said anything. "What? It's completely possible."

Rigsby shook his head; the very idea that he could be a zombie amused him, but he didn't comment. "Breathing or not, Jane owes us all a heart filled apology and I think we should get it from him."

Cho stared. "How do you plan on doing that?"

"I know it seems like a robbing a bank would be easier…"

"That's because it would be." Cho said.

"…but what do we have to lose?"

"Besides our dignities?" Grace answered, still with a frown across her face. "What do you expect to do? Go up to Jane and ask him to apologize?" Rigsby said nothing, because he was still forming a plan. "No offense, Wayne, but Jane isn't going to apologize to us simply because you tell him too."

"I know that." Rigsby replied. He truly did; Patrick Jane didn't do anything, unless it was entirely his idea. "I just wish we could make him…"

"By doing what?" Cho repeated his earlier question. "Annoying him to death?" Slowly, Rigsby's wide grin returned to his face, as Cho and Grace eyed him oddly.

"I think I may have an idea on how to get a meaningful apology from him," Rigsby told the both of them, "but I'll need help." He flipped open the cover of his notepad and pressed his pen to the smooth paper. "Who's with me?" Rigsby glanced up at both of his co-workers, who stared at each other.

"You can't be serious." Grace was the first to break the silence. "You want to annoy Jane to death?" Grace's voice had significantly risen in volume, so Rigsby quieted her down with the wave of his hand; he didn't want others knowing about this plan. "Wayne…"

"I don't want to kill him," Rigsby defended and at Grace's stare, he continued on, "not yet, anyway." He watched Grace bite her lower lip in concern. "Nobody has ever died from a little annoying, Grace. Jane annoys us all the time and we're still living!" He moved his hands slightly to make his point. "I bet you a zombie couldn't do _that _without losing a body part or two." Grace rolled her eyes, much to his amusement.

"That wasn't a suggestion." Cho answered.

"I know." Rigsby repeated.

"It's a horrible idea." Cho continued. "No one can out annoy Jane, not even Jane himself."

"I bet you we could." Rigsby responded and nobody said anything, so he spoke again. "We've worked with the man for four or more years and you're saying we couldn't exploit the things he hates?" Rigsby shook his head; they all knew Jane. They all knew he hated having his tea made the wrong way or having his couch moved, and where there were two minor annoyances, there were always larger ones that they could most certainly use to their advantage. "If anybody could make the man say sorry and mean it…"

"It would be Lisbon." Cho interrupted. Rigsby obviously agreed with him; Lisbon could make the man do almost everything, except apparently behave, follow directions, and dampen his stupidity.

"He's right." Grace stated. "If you're going to annoy Jane, you're going to need Lisbon." Rigsby lost his grin again. They couldn't ask the boss, they couldn't even tell the boss! Lisbon told Jane almost everything and if she told him the plan, there was always the chance that he'd flip the tables on them.

Operation Annoy Jane (the tentative name, of course) would become Operation Annoy Themselves and they couldn't have that. They all knew how to sincerely apologize, Jane didn't.

"If I get Lisbon to join us," he hesitantly started, as he had absolutely no desire to involve her when they perfectly capable of plotting themselves, "would you both be willing to help out?"

Grace hesitantly nodded. "A sincere sorry from Jane would be nice, although we all know it'll never happen."

"It might." Rigsby replied. "Jane could surprise us."

"When it comes to Jane," Cho said, "surprises are never good."

Rigsby glanced back down at his notepad. "Commencing Operation Annoy Jane…"

"No names." Cho interrupted and Rigsby eyed him again. "Naming means you're becoming Jane-like."

"Especially with that name." Grace agreed. "If you're going to call it anything, just call it Consultant Annoying."

"And that's any better?" Rigsby asked with a chuckle. "Consultant Annoying sounds like Animal Hunting, just without the permits and the gun."

Grace scowled. "I'm sorry I had an opinion, Wayne; please feel free to stick with Operation…"

"I get your points." Rigsby admitted. "I just don't want Jane to get any clues about what we're doing."

"And calling it Operation Annoy Jane wouldn't tip him off to something?" Grace asked, as she folded her arms across her chest. "Tell me, Wayne, which part do you think will tip him off first?" Grace's sarcasm was cute, he had to admit. "His name or the fact you called it an operation?"

Rigsby opened his mouth to respond to her. "Consultant Annoying wouldn't tip him off either?"

"He could think we're talking about other consultants," Grace replied, "Jane's not the only consultant in this building." Grace held up her hand, as if she were going to count off the consultants on her fingers. "Christina Landry, Narcotics. James Ashland, Organized Crime. Adam Johnson, Employee Support Services. Shall I continue on?"

"Are any of those three annoying enough to have something named after them though?" Rigsby inquired. "I've met all of them, especially Christina, a few times. None of them are Jane."

"It doesn't matter!" Grace argued. "He's not going to put two and two together. He'll name names, coerce you into creating some fake name and he'll leave you alone." Rigsby made a face. Grace was absolutely delusional if she believed Jane would leave that lie alone. Jane hadn't even left their relationship alone.

"We're not calling it Consultant Annoying."

"Well, we're not calling it Operation Annoy Jane either!"

"I'm glad you two didn't have children," Cho commented, effectively putting an end to their bickering, "they would never have names." Rigsby and Grace glanced away from one another, his lips pressed tightly together. He had forgotten all about Cho being there.

"Maybe," Grace spoke, after a moment of awkward silence, "we should focus on how to actually annoy him, instead of arguing about what we should call it." Rigsby nodded in agreement, and he put his pen to the notepad again; ready to write down whatever ideas came his way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Administered Medication

**Disclaimer: **It's safe to say I don't and can't own _The Mentalist_.

Hey, look—an update!

I could make an entire list of excuses on why I _haven't _updated in months, but I figure you'd all just like to read the chapter instead! I am hoping to have this story done before March, so an update will be coming again soon!

Thank you to Lothlorien Aeterna, loveconquersallxxx, Frogster, StrangeIsNotACrime, SBLover and WeBuiltThePyramids for the reviews! I appreciate every single one of them. :D

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2—

Rigsby anxiously tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, as he waited for Jane to join him in the work-issued SUV. Lisbon had assigned for himself _and _Jane to drive to their first crime scene since the Red John mess, which had happened almost a fortnight ago. He almost wanted to drive off and leave Jane at the CBI, but something told him that Lisbon (and the bureau) would have his head!

Supposedly, they were all to be working on their interdepartmental anger issues, especially now that Susan Darcy and Gale Bertram had stopped investigating them all. But just because they were _supposed _to be working toward something, didn't stop Rigsby (or the rest of the unit, for that matter) from punishing Jane.

He heard his cellphone vibrate, before he glanced down to find a text message from Grace.

_He's coming. _

Almost thirty minutes _after _Lisbon had given them the order too. Rigsby shook his head at the consultant's lack of time management, as he doubted Jane had done anything _too _important for those thirty minutes lost.

"Good morning, Rigsby!" Jane greeted, cheerfully. Rigsby glanced at him. "I don't get a hello in response? I'm truly hurt." Rigsby started the engine on the vehicle, ignoring the need to roll his eyes. Jane wasn't hurt by the silence; he was just being stupid—again. "How far away is the crime scene?"

Rigsby almost thought about ignoring Jane, but they all needed to lull Jane into the idea that everything was okay. "Thirty minutes." He didn't need to glance at Jane to know the man was grinning at his statement.

"Look at the bright side, Rigsby." Jane addressed him. Rigsby couldn't see the bright side; Jane was _with him _in the car, they were thirty minutes late to their first crime scene, and he had to fight against his urge to punch Jane in the nose. "Most of the work will already be done when you get there. I'm sure Cho and Lisbon have things covered already." At one of the first red lights, Rigsby stopped and glanced at Jane. "Or maybe, they're waiting for us."

_I seriously doubt that_, Rigsby thought as he let his foot off the break and continued down the street. It wasn't a good thing when the _boss _arrived to a crime scene before her subordinates, but Rigsby doubted she'd say anything to him.

"Our first case back, I'm hoping for an interesting one." Jane continued to ramble on, while Rigsby tightly clenched the steering wheel. "While I was gone, did you all have any interesting cases? Lisbon didn't want to tell me."

Rigsby contained his smile. "Oh yeah, we had a few." Jane glanced at him. "I'm surprised Lisbon didn't tell you."

"I believe she's still angry with me; something about abusing my power as a CBI consultant." Jane replied. "I've tried explaining to her that my powers as a CBI consultant are limited to being punched in the nose and sleeping on couches, but she's still nonplussed."

_I wonder why_, Rigsby silently responded. Jane had almost cost Lisbon her job _again_, while strutting around Las Vegas with his plan to catch Red John. While Lisbon had probably resigned herself to the fate of her job being up for question _every time _Red John popped up, none of the other unit members believed that was right. Lisbon was a good agent.

"I'll make it up to her though." Jane continued. "It'll just take time and patience." Rigsby kept his eyes on the road. He wanted to argue with Jane, as he doubted none of the time and patience in the world could mend what Jane had done. Lisbon had worried about Jane _every single day_ and for him to wave that away, the man deserved a good kick off a bridge.

Not that Rigsby planned to kick Jane off a bridge or anything; it was just an expression.

(Although, he _had _suggested that the addition of _throw Jane off a bridge _be on their list of ways to annoy the consultant. However, trying to kill the consultant apparently, didn't actively count as _annoying him _in fifty states.)

"Are you sure the crime scene is thirty minutes away?" Jane asked, after a glorious period of silence. Rigsby eyed him. "I don't doubt your superior driving skills, Rigsby." And they both knew _that _was a lie. Jane had comments about everybody's driving skills; Lisbon drove too slow, Grace drove too fast, Cho stopped at stop signs for a little too long, and his was probably something about directions. "I'm just wondering why we haven't seen the crime scene yet."

"It's coming up." Rigsby responded. "But we'll have to walk." Rigsby heard Jane grumble about the pointlessness of killing far enough away from civilization from next to him. He shook his head in response to Jane's inane chatter, as it wasn't about to change his plans on what was going to happen to the consultant. "We're here." Rigsby signaled to pull over onto the side of the hallway, before Jane undid his seatbelt and opened the car door. "Do you have your phone?"

Jane nodded, as he stepped out of the car. "Of course." Jane held up his cell phone. "I always have my phone on me."

"Good." Rigsby said, sincerely. He wasn't exactly happy with Jane, but he didn't wish death upon him. "I'm going to park the car and I'll be along shortly, okay?" Jane shrugged, as he shut the car door and turned toward the west.

Before Jane could turn back around, Rigsby had his foot on the accelerator.

He could only imagine Jane saying, _"Rigsby, I don't see a sign of any crime scene…" _before he merged back onto the highway, leaving Patrick Jane in the middle of almost nowhere.

* * *

"Hey boss." Rigsby greeted Lisbon, as she stepped away from the crime scene. "I'm sorry I'm late."

Lisbon glanced at him. "Where's Jane?" Rigsby shrugged. He honestly didn't know where Jane had gone, after he had just left him stranded on the side of the road. "I gave you orders to bring him to the crime scene, Rigsby, not lose him." Rigsby watched Lisbon pull out her cellphone. "Jane? Why aren't you at the…he what?" Lisbon eyed Rigsby.

Cho stepped over to him. "She doesn't know, does she?"

"I didn't get around to telling her." Rigsby lied, while Cho shook his head. "I didn't know how she'd react, especially when I told her we were doing." He could feel Lisbon's stare burning a hole in his head, which made him want to run for the SUV. Invoking Teresa Lisbon's wrath wasn't something _anyone _wanted to do willingly, as the woman knew how to tackle well.

"She's the boss. Your boss." Cho responded. Rigsby said nothing. "You've just stranded Patrick Jane on a highway, without giving him directions, where he could get hit by a car." So, maybe it hadn't been the _best _place to start in the revenge against Jane—but the man had left others at crime scenes before. "And if he doesn't get hit by a car, he could accidently implode something."

Rigsby opened his mouth to reply, but before he could say anything, Lisbon was in front of him. "You _stranded _him on a highway, surrounded by a bar wire fence?"

"I gave him a cellphone." Rigsby defended himself. "If he had wanted to arrive to the crime scene, he could have called Grace." Although, he doubted that Grace would have picked him up. "And a bar wire fence? I didn't leave him in maximum security prison, Lisbon."

"He's alive." Cho pointed out and Rigsby nodded in agreement. It could have been worse; they could have thrown Jane in a snake pit.

"That isn't the point." Lisbon argued. "Jane is a part of this unit. Regardless of what he has or hasn't done, you're not supposed to leave him stranded."

"He's left you stranded before, boss."

He watched Lisbon pinch the bridge of her nose. "There's a difference between being an agent and a consultant. I expect better things out of you, Rigsby. I expect poor behavior out of him." Rigsby kept quiet. "I've told Grace to go and get him; he's not upset or distraught, which I suppose is a good thing." Lisbon continued to eye him, frowning slightly. "I understand what you're doing and while I appreciate it, it'll never work. Jane's too stubborn to realize any of this is his fault."

"Considering he didn't kill this victim with a five-iron," Cho commented, "this isn't his fault."

Lisbon glanced at Cho. "You know what I mean." Cho nodded, before Lisbon continued. "I know he left us all for six months and yes, I'm aware he almost cost us our jobs _again_." The eye rolling that followed her statement made him chuckle. "But, holding grudges does nothing. Jane doesn't care if you leave him in the middle of nowhere. In fact, he sounded almost gleeful." Concern crossed her face. "If I find out he's stolen a car, I'm going to kill him _and then_, I will be back for you both."

Nobody said anything for a moment.

"However," Lisbon started again, "Jane needs a taste of his own medicine. Just no more stranding him on highways, please." Rigsby and Cho nodded. "I also want in on this dubious plot. He might not care, but I'm sure it feels good."

"It really does feel good." Rigsby admitted with a small smile, before he shifted his attention to the crime scene.


End file.
